Spring Broken, OR,
Hanging Up on a Smooth Operator

Anyone walking by the garage this afternoon would have been blown away by the sound of Kids Inc. performing. Not because it was any good, though. In fact, it was the worst they’d been in years. Disgusted, they unanimously decided to stop.

“What was that?” Stacy asked no one in particular.

“I don’t know, but I don’t like it.” The Kid said.

“You know, normally I like Spring Break.” Ryan said, “But we really didn’t need to stop rehearsing like we did.”

“Well, it’s not like we were on vacation.” Renee told him. “Our little brother was sick, so he kept everyone up all night.”

“I’m still tired.” Stacy added.

“Can we stop for today, then?” Connie asked. “I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, maybe a couple of malteds will help us get back into the swing of things.” Ryan said.

Unfortunately, it didn’t look like they would be getting refreshments anytime soon. As they neared the P*lace, it became clear that Riley was in mid-inventory.

“Looks like Spring Break put everybody behind.” The Kid observed.

“Hey, kids. Can’t talk now. The owner’s really breathing down my neck. Be with you in a minute. Try not to get in the way.” said a fast-moving blur that sounded like Riley. The kids scooted out of the way and grabbed a table not cluttered with boxes.

“So now what do we do?” Kid asked.

“Wait, I guess.” Ryan said. “Man, this has turned out to be a really bad day.”

“Well, look on the bright side,” said Renee, “at least it can’t get any wo-” She stopped when she realized everyone was staring at something behind her. “What?” She got up, turned around, shrieked, and sat back down. “Okay, so I was really wrong!”

“Hey, if it isn’t my favorite little tunesters!” called an all-too-familiar voice. Brendan Roberts strode into the P*lace, wearing his usual loud, out-of-style clothing and taking the phrase, “moving to your own beat” to a whole new meaning.

“Brendan.” the older kids said flatly.

“What’s going on? Why don’t you like this guy?” Richie asked.

“Trust me when I tell you you don’t wanna know.” Ryan told him.

“Have I got a surprise for you guys!” Brendan said enthusiastically.

“No thanks, not interested.” Stacy said.

“Now, wait a minute, hear me out!” he said. “I admit I may have made a few bad judgment calls...”

“No!” Renee gasped in mock disbelief “Really?"

“...but I am on to something BIG this time!”

“Brendan, you say that every time.” The Kid said. “And every time, you’re just out to make a quick buck. None of your schemes ever work.”

“You know, your negativity is really getting to me.” Brendan retorted. “But being the all-around good guy that I am,” he continued, ignoring their scoffing, “I am gonna help you out, just this once, free of charge.  No, no, don’t thank me now!”

“Don’t worry.” said Stacy.

“I think it’s about time we say goodbye to our good buddy Brendan.” Ryan said. He got up to show Brendan the door.

“Whoa, pal, take it easy!” Brendan pleaded. “When have I ever let you guys down?...don’t answer that! All I wanna do is make sure my best pals get what they deserve.”

“How would you like to get what you deserve, Brendan?” Renee said, smiling through clenched teeth.

“Relax, Angel!” Brendan schmoozed, moving towards her. Luckily, Ryan got to Renee first and caught her just as she flew out of her chair.

“Let me go, Ryan! I swear, if he comes near me, I’ll clobber him! I mean it! Let go!  Oh, please let me clobber him and wipe that smirk off his weasely little face!”

“Boy, are you gonna be sorry if he lets her go, Brendan.” laughed The Kid.

Riley got done with the inventory just in time to witness Renee’s venom. “All right, now what’s going on here, kids?” he asked. He saw Brendan. “Ugh. Never mind.”

“Riley, old man, am I glad to see you!” Brendan said, holding out his hand. Riley didn’t take it, of course. “How’s that inventing going? You know, if you ever need representation, I’ve got just the guy...” He slapped himself searching for a card.

“Yeah, thanks but no thanks, Brendan.” Riley told him.

“Please make him leave, Riley.” begged Renee.

“Hey, wait a minute!” Richie suddenly realized. “We never found out what the surprise was.”

“Right you are, little dude!” Brendan said happily. “And boy, are you in luck! You see, one day I happened to be out of town on a little business venture when I ran into an old friend of mine.”

“And I bet you owed him money!” added Riley.

“A minor detail. Anyway, this buddy of mine, he happens to be a top-notch promoter to the stars, and he asks me if I happen to know anybody looking for a break. Well of course, I had to tell him about you guys.

“Oh, of course.” said Ryan.

“So what do you say? This is it, guys! Fame and fortune! Huh? Huh?”

“What’s the catch?” The Kid asked him.

“Who said anything about a catch?”

“Your middle name is catch, Brendan.”

Brendan clutched his chest and staggered. “Oh, Paco! You wound me!” Renee went to say something, but Ryan held her back. Brendan continued his hurt routine. “Here I am, just trying to do a bunch of good people such as yourselves a favor, and you turn me down! Well, if you don’t want to take advantage of the opportunity of a lifetime...

“Wait a second.” Connie piped up. “If this promoter friend of yours is so successful, then why does he need you to drum up business for him?”

“Yeah, and why would he want to back a bunch of kids, anyway?” said Stacy.

“Have we even heard of anybody this guy’s worked with?” Ryan asked.

“Trust me, we’re talking world famous talent here.” Brendan was too quick to say.

“Well, we don’t need your help.” The Kid insisted. “We can hold our own.”

“Oh, yeah, I can tell.” Brendan said sarcastically. “Look at all the fans! Everybody showed up to hear you sing. Hey, it’s standing room only out here! Encore! Encore!”

“All right, enough! We know it’s dead around here.” Renee interrupted. “Just so you know, things don’t usually pick up until after people come back from vacation.”

“So why don’t you take a vacation, Brendan? The P*lace is closed.” Riley said angrily, losing his patience with Brendan. He strong-armed him towards the door.

“My offer’s still good!” he called back to them. “Think about what I said!"

“Bye, Brendan.” the older Kids said.

“Can you believe that guy?” Riley said when he came back in.

“I think we’ve had enough bad news for now.” Ryan said. “Why don’t we just call it a day? Tomorrow, we’ll get a fresh start, and everything will work out great. You’ll see.”

Four days later, they still hadn’t seen. “Man, where is everybody?” wondered Richie.

“Spring Break’s been over for a week!” Kid said

“No, it’s gotta be something else.” Ryan disagreed. “I mean, we’ve always brought back the crowd.”

“Well, if I didn’t know any better,” Renee said, “I’d think they were going somewhere else.”

“You know, I asked some of my friends at school if they were gonna come to our concert,” Stacy told them, “and they said they’d been before, and they were just tired of the same old, same old.”

“So now people think we’re boring?” Connie asked.

“Guess after all these years, the novelty’s worn off” said Ryan, sighing.

“So, what are we going to do?” said Renee. Everyone just looked at each other, not wanting to come to the obvious conclusion.

“I really hate to say this...” Ryan started to say.

“Then don’t!” The Kid yelled, and Renee put her hand over Ryan’s mouth.

“Mwe nmmd Bwendmm.”

Renee took her hand off his mouth and said, “What?”

“I said…we need Brendan.”

“OH!” yelled everyone in disgust.

“Ryan, I’ve heard you say some strange things before, but this is definitely the strangest.” The Kid told him.

“Well, we’re out of options. Anyone else have a better idea?” No one did. “Look, we’re not gonna sign anything. All we gotta do is talk to this guy. Who knows? Maybe he’ll help us out,”

“Yeah, but you’re forgetting something.” Renee pointed out. “We’d have to apologize...to Brendan Roberts.” She shuddered.

“He didn’t seem like such a bad guy to me” said Richie, wincing at the murderous look Renee gave him.

“Maybe we should send Richie to apologize to Brendan.” Kid suggested jokingly.

Ryan vetoed that idea. “No, it has to be someone else, someone a little more...diplomatic.” He definitely had someone in mind.

“And someone who’s good at charming grownups.” Stacy added, catching on. They all looked at Renee.

When she realized they were talking about her, Renee screamed, “NO! No! No way! You have got to be kidding me! Not a chance! No! Absolutely not! I’d rather die first! No! No!..N-No? Ohhh!...

“Are you finished?” Ryan asked her. She whimpered a little, and he took that as a yes. “Oh, come on, Renee’ I’ve seen you get your way with Riley a million times!"

“And do I need to tell them how you got out of being grounded last week?” said Stacy.

“But I love my parents. And Riley! I don’t even like Brendan.” argued Renee.

“I’ll buy you a banana split.” Ryan coaxed.

“Ryan, I’m not five years old. Don’t insult me.”

“Okay...you know how you wanted most of the credit for the articles we write for the paper?”

“…seeing as how I wrote them all, anyway…okay, I’m listening.”

“I’ll step down. I’ll be your assistant. You’d like that, right?”

But Renee still wouldn’t give in. “And?”

“Jeez! All right, umm...the next three solos.”

“Whoa, wait a minute, Ryan!” The Kid interjected. “You can’t do that! Are you crazy? That’s not fair!”

“Pleeease, Kid?” wheedled Renee, batting her eyelashes.

“Well, I guess since you’re gonna have to be nice to Brendan, yeah, all right.”

“Now, see how easy that was?” Ryan asked Renee.

Renee grinned. “I am good, aren’t I?” she said smugly.

“And people say I have a big ego” The Kid quipped.

Everything was in place. Ryan had tracked down Brendan and somehow managed to get him to the P*lace, where Riley made him wait in the storeroom. All Renee had to do was charm him into giving her the number of the promoter, and they’d be done with him.Easier said than done! Renee thought as she allowed herself one last shudder before opening the door. “Oh, Brendan?” she sang airily, hoping to come off sounding sincere. My own assistant...my own assistant…It had better be worth it, Ryan!...my own assistant, she kept repeating to herself

“Well, hello, gorgeous!” said Brendan. “To what do I owe this little meeting? You’re not gonna hit me, are you?"

“Now, why would I do that?” she cooed. Because you’re a jerk? No, no, don’t insult him. You’re supposed to be sorry!

“Because you said you would?”

“I did, didn’t I?” she asked him. He nodded, and she nodded with him. Then she sighed deeply and tried to look contrite. “Poor Brendan.  Did you really think I’d hurt you?”

“You mean you won’t?”

Not today, anyway. “No!” Now she put on her wounded look. “I only said that because...well, you were right, Brendan, things really have been slower than usual, and...and Riley, he said that...if things didn’t get any better that he was going to kick us out and we’d have no place to play and...” it’s working! she realized as she noticed the worried expression on his face. “...I’m sorry!” she gasped, and turned away, hiding her face and pretending to sob, although she couldn’t help laughing. I can’t believe he’s that stupid!

“Aw, now don’t cry there, Cupcake!” Brendan said nervously. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to...”

This is the most humiliating thing I have ever done, Renee thought, but kept it to herself “Then will you still help us?” she pleaded, the sound of her own voice making her wince.

“Of course I will.” Brendan coddled, patting her back. He took the card out of his loud jacket pocket.

Sucker! “Really?”

“Hey, for you, doll, anything.”

Renee cheered up instantly. “Thanks!” she said, snatching the card out of Brendan’s hand. Now she was supposed to high-tail it to the garage and leave him high and dry. But something didn’t feel right. “No, I can’t do this.” she decided suddenly. She tossed the card back at him. “Brendan, look, the only reason I was being nice to you is so I could get the number, and for that, I really am sorry. Don’t get me wrong, you’re still a jerk, and we still don’t trust you, but even you don’t deserve this.”

Brendan was quiet for a while. Then he smiled and put an arm around Renee, his $5 cologne making her eyes water. “I always knew you liked me!” he said.

“Don’t push it, Brendan.”

Meanwhile, the other Kids were still waiting for Renee at the garage. “What’s taking her so long? She should have gotten the number by now!” The Kid griped. That’s when Renee walked in, with Brendan in tow.

“What are you doing?” said Ryan. “You’re not supposed to bring him with you! Just take the number and go, remember? Take the number and go...” he mimed the actions he was hoping for.

“…which is wrong, Ryan. It’s just what Brendan would have done. We’d be no better than he is.” Renee said angrily. “You take the number if you want, but leave me out of it, because I just can’t do it.”

The Kids realized then what they had planned to do and were ashamed. “No, I guess I can’t either.” sighed Stacy.

“Me, either.” echoed Connie.

“It is kinda mean.” Richie said.

The Kid just smiled at Renee. “You know, you really are good at this.”

Ryan still wasn’t happy. “Okay. Great. Now where does that leave us?”

A sob from the corner caught their attention. Brendan was wiping tears from his eyes. “You kids and your togetherness!” he blubbered. “It just gets me right here!” He clasped his hand over his heart dramatically. No one was moved. He thrust his business card at Renee. “Go ahead, I want you to have it!”

“It really was nice of you to think of us.” Renee told him. “Especially considering how we’ve treated you.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it. I meant what I said. You guys deserve the best.” He turned to go. “Oh, and when you call this guy, tell him I’ll pay him back next week” And he left.

Despite their doubts, the promoter checked out, and after meeting with him a few times, he made good on his word. Once again, Kids Incorporated played to a packed house. During one of those concerts, Renee thought she saw out of the corner of her eye a loud suit in the audience, and then just as suddenly as it appeared, it was gone. She just hoped they’d taught the suit’s owner a lesson in honesty.

The End